17 weeks

Well God really does have a sense of humor. Guess who just got called as the missionary meal coordinator?! Haha I almost laughed out loud in the Bishop's office - but this just means I get to practice making meals for them more often right?

So we are 17 weeks today, and we have our first appointment with the new doctor in the morning! I plan on doing another update after that because I have a feeling that I'll get a lot more information than I did last week with my old doctor...

Last Tuesday I had my last appointment with my old doctor (she was unaware of this) and it lasted for about 15 minutes. Because it is hard to tell which baby's heartbeat you are listening to with the Doppler you get an ultrasound every visit to check on the twins. Well my ultrasound lasted about 7 seconds. I'm not even joking. AND I'm pretty sure she only even looked at Baby A. It was quite obvious during our first ultrasound at 11 weeks when the tech moved from Baby A to Baby B so when my doctor "moved" and claimed we were now checking on Baby B's heart rate I knew she was completely wrong. My doctor was literally rushing through every step of my appointment and I left realizing I hadn't been measured or had any of my questions addressed. I was really frustrated but I get a do over! My wonderful mother-in-law got me a coveted appointment with her amazing OB and I am so excited. Hopefully we get to look at the twins again. 

How big are the twins? About the size of a white onion, and 5.1 inches and 5 oz. 

Total weight gain/loss? It's offical! I have gained a pound!

Maternity clothes? Amazon is shipping me a belly band as we speak! I am very excited to try it and see if it is worth purchasing more colors. My pants fit everywhere but my belly at the moment so if the belly band works it will allow me to wear my pants unbuttoned (even unzipped?!) and offer support to my belly!

Wedding ring on or off? Still miraculously on. But I guess I haven't really gotten to the swelling stage yet. 

Sleep? I have good nights and bad nights. Luckily on the bad nights I usually get to come home from work and get a good long nap in - naps are the best! But I am definitely starting to favor sleeping on my left side - which is supposedly the side you're supposed to sleep on anyway? 

Symptoms? Heartburn has reared its ugly head. But I will survive because heartburn is actually correlated with hair on babies so I won't complain 😉. 

Food cravings? I had a real hankering for ice cream tonight that Matt and I satisfied with a few Oreos and milk. But other than that, my only aversion is still meat - it just has to be cut super duper thin and have zero fat. 

Genders? 3 more weeks! It came quite quickly!

No updates on my belly button popping or stretch marks. 

What I miss? I miss being able to move however I wanted. I feel like I already waddle a little bit at times and then my belly is really getting in the way at work. I practically have to get on my hands and knees in order to get low! Ha

What I'm looking forward to? Starting to get the nursery set up. We have a crib that I could put together but since it's a really nice crib that we got for free in struggling a little bit with how we are going to buy another one that doesn't look obviously cheaper?! Any recommendations? 

Happy or moody most of the time? Definitely happy. Matt and I have actually been flirting quite a bit lately because I don't feel as sick (thank heavens) and it definitely helps that I am in a better mood. 

15 weeks

How far along? We are 15 weeks! That means that the twins can now sense light and their eyes are starting to move from the sides to the center of their heads and are looking less and less alien like. 

How big are the twins? They are the size of an orange/apple and 4 inches and approximately 2.5 oz. 

Total weight gain/loss? It honestly depends on the day... I was doing so well and thought I had finally put a pound on when these last few days I got so sick I lost about 7. So I'll be able to answer this better farther into the second trimester ;) 

Maternity clothes? I had to go buy a new bra (fits way better) but I have a lot of flowy clothes so I'm ok for now. My work pants are definitely going to be the first things that need to be replaced though. 

Wedding ring on or off? On for the time being, but I know it'll eventually have to come off - my fingers swell often without being pregnant. 

Sleep? I am quite nocturnal. I go to bed around 10pm with Matt but lie awake researching the heck out of twins. Then around midnight I fall asleep, wake up at 3 and 6 for the bathroom, and then up for the day at 9. And then if I'm not working that day I get at least 3 hours worth of naps squeezed in somewhere. 

Best moment this week? When I locked myself out of my house and my mom had to come rescue me! Hah it doesn't sound all that amazing but I ended up having a lot of fun with her and got to spend some much needed time at my family's house.

Symptoms? Besides the TMI it would mainly be an increase in appetite, which is so nice for a change. 

Food cravings? No cravings necessarily but I got to eat sushi (nothing raw) on Saturday and was literally doing the happy dance in my chair after every single bite. 

Food aversions or anything making you sick? Meat, especially red meat. Fish and salmon sound good but it's really hard for me to get excited about eating chicken or beef. Blehhh. 

Genders? We find out (I believe) at our 20 week appointment. Most twin pregnancies have another ultrasound at 16 weeks and find out then but I'm not betting on it. I haven't had a single doctor's appointment since we found out about the twins (long story, looking for a new OB) so we will see what happens next week at my checkup. 

Labor signs? No but I do think I have felt Braxton hicks or at least abdominal stretching going on. If I get up too quickly from a crouched position my uterus will almost kind of grab me. 

Belly button in or out? Very much in. I would be shocked if it ever popped out. 

Stretch marks? No but they will be here. Don't you worry.

Movement? Yes! I have felt their flutters quite consistently actually! I am definitely excited for when that turns into movements Matt can feel. 

What I miss? I miss my energy levels and not being tired all the time! I didn't realize how much more rested you are when you sleep through the night and don't need to pee all the time. 

What I'm looking forward to? Not being sick! The weekend was amazing because I only got sick once, and then Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I couldn't keep even water down for the life of me. So keep me in your prayers that the hormones will start to calm down soon and I can eat pizza again. 

Happy or moody most of the time?

I would like the think I am happy most of the time... But maybe Matt would say I am a tad more moody? I did blow something way out of proportion last night now that I think about it... But hey if it only happens once in a while we'll be ok, right? 

Rant...

I promise I'll get to the sappy post about how incredibly amazing it is to be expecting twins soon. But first I need to be honest about exactly how I have been processing the news since we found out. 

Matt and I went into our first ultrasound at 11 weeks and were actually sent across the street from my actual clinic to get it done. I had heard a heartbeat (singular) back at 9 weeks and so wasn't too nervous about there actually being something in there, but I think I was anxious beforehand because some part of me knew that there was going to be twins. 

Hear me out. I'm not psychic. 

If I have a spiritual gift, it is the gift of dreams. I am lucky enough to remember a lot of my dreams and the ones that I have that are relevant to a current situation I am in are actually useful in my life. Granted, when I had a dream that I had FIVE babies in my stomach I did not automatically believe I was carrying quintuplets, but my mind kind of started buzzing at the thought that maybe there was more than one. 

Like I said, I had been able to hear a heartbeat at my 9 week (first) appointment and the midwife had been quite pleased with herself at finding it so early in my pregnancy; it can be hard that early sometimes. But after she had found the fast fluttering and then removed the Doppler from my stomach the first thought I had was, "Wait, what about the other one?"

...

What other one?! Honesty I might have just been high on crazy juice but that really was my first thought - what about the other heartbeat?  Some part of me knew that if she had kept listening she would've heard the other baby's heartbeat. It's a memory that I plan to hold onto and it's kind of comforting to know that maybe I knew before modern medicine did 😉 Ha! 

So at the ultrasound the tech was just asking bedside manner questions, making sure I didn't feel super uncomfortable as I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them dangerously low...heh. She then asked how I had been feeling. I have been sick since day 1 of week 6 and have only had maybe a handful of days free from puking my guts out. My record is 6 times in one day (which I know isn't quite as horrible as some women have it) but here at week 14 I'm quite ready for the supposed second trimester relief. So I told her I had been feeling really sick. She put the absurdly warm jelly on my stomach (definitely was expecting it to be cold) and then moved the wand around a bit. 

I think both Matt and I could plainly tell before the tech said anything but neither of us wanted to say anything until she did. Her next words were, "So you've been super sick, huh?"

Double the hormones. Double the sickness. Double the blessings. 

There are two squirmy aliens on the screen?! What?? How did this happen? I thought it was supposed to be hard to get pregnant; take months and months, maybe years! We got pregnant with two so quickly? Crap... Matt is probably having an aneurism - I should check on him. Oh - he's starring at me. What's that look? Is he stressed? Happy? I think he's happy, but his eyebrows are furrowed. Well of course they're furrowed! We did not plan for this, we plan for one at a time. Isn't that normal to do? Well he's smiling now. And laughing. We're both very nervously laughing. I think the only words coming out of my mouth are  "oh my gosh" every couple seconds. 

We left the ultrasound with a strip of pictures that are the only proof that what happened in that room was real, and trust me I spent the next couple weeks having to convince myself over and over again that it was real. Then I had a meltdown. My body began to slip out of shock and euphoria and into the reality of the situation. I was mentally prepared to devote the next few years of my life to one baby. I was going to bond with him or her breastfeeding, we were going to become best friends and have so many sleepless nights together that all this morning sickness would be a piece of cake! But all of expectations and visions of the future had now changed. I have two babies that will need my undivided attention now divided between the two of them. I had enough mental preparation for messing one kid up, but two at a time? That would be like failing twice as fast and twice as hard! At this point I wasn't even thinking about how much more different my pregnancy and labor was going to be, but my life post delivery. After bringing THEM home. 

I had to have a little mourning period for the expectation I had had about my future and the one on one time I felt like I was losing. I will never just be a mom to one baby, I'm jumping feet first into the mom of multiples club. But I can't stress enough that this reaction was OK to have! I still struggle with people who tell me I am so lucky and how jealous they are that we are having twins. Sometimes I want to shake them and say "Do you understand the reality of what is going to happen? This is not going to be some fantasy or Mary-Kate and Ashley movie." This is going to be the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I am exceptionally blessed that both my parents and in-laws live so close... That is going to be an amazing help. But this post is for everyone out there who thinks I am the luckiest girl in the world so that they can understand a little bit when I don't scream and jump up and down in excitement with you when you extend your congratulations. 

I love my babies. I do not regret any part of being pregnant with twins and would NEVER trade this for a singleton pregnancy. I am allowed to mourn the vision I had of what I thought would be a blissful raising of one child at a time and I am completely normal for doing so. Having twins is everyone's fantasy, but the responsibility that comes with the reality can be quite daunting. 

What a way to start my blog huh? "Geez she seems like she can barely hold dinner for the missionaries and now she's having two babies?!"

Yeah I'm gonna need a lot of prayers. XO

Missionaries for Dinner

Well last night was ALMOST a disaster. 

Or a little bit of a disaster.

Matt and I signed up to feed the missionaries on Sunday and thought that it was going to be a good way to show ourselves that we were ready to contribute to our new ward. This is probably a hard lesson I am going to have to learn this pregnancy: I never can predict exactly what I am able to commit to or tell the future. So the missionaries were coming over Wednesday night, but on Tuesday I got asked to work a closing shift at work as opposed to my normal mid day shift. So Tuesday night I didn't get home until 11:30pm. Matt and I have been in bed around 9pm every night for the last three weeks.
 I was exhausted! 

So of course my body decides that since our schedule is thrown off we are going to stay up until 2am all queasy and then throw up. 

Thank you hormones.

Wednesday morning comes and I wake up with the sun (!) and lay in bed for the next four hours

crossing my fingers that I will fall back asleep as some point.

Nope.

I then spend the rest of the day walking between my fridge and the couch trying to decide what is going to give the most amount of calories with the least resistance from the twins. Ice cream? Made me nauseous. Potato chips and oranges it is again then. I then continue to try and sleep while making sure my puppy isn't peeing or pooping in the house (but giving him enough time outside of his crate),

 doing research about possibly changing OBs and (like I feel like I always am) doing research about this bizarre decision my body made without my consultation to grow two human beings instead of one.

By this time I have completely forgotten to drink water all day so I have a killer headache and then remember - I still needed to buy some groceries for dinner. Well crap, it's 5pm - I should get to the store before they are here in an hour...

Of course the gas light turns on on my way to the store (I'm glad I just remembered that) - so luckily I know that I can make it to Winco and back just fine. I think my headache has progressed to a migraine so I grab a bottle of Coke because I know for sure that caffeine is the only quick fix at the moment that is going to get me through dinner. 

I get home at 5:45. Perfect.

Matt is giving me updates about his commute home that I don't have time to respond to and I'm just praying that the missionaries are going to be as delayed as he is. 

6:05 I have most of the prep work done but nothing is cooking yet.

Husband walks through the door and immediately analyzes the state of dinner and I can tell that he is not happy. I bet a 100 million questions like "what in the world have you been doing all day?!"

are running through his head but he is wise and keeps his mouth shut for the time being. 

There's a very faint knock at the door. 

Missionaries are here.

"Oh welcome Elders! Dinner is almost ready, please sit. Do you need 

something to drink? Oh don't mind the dog, he's still a puppy. Yes, yes he is quite excited to see you."

Elder 1: "Is that pee on the floor...?"

"Yes, yes it is. OH look, he piddled and walked allllll the way to the back door. Yeah let me just get on my hands a knees and clean up the urine and then I'll get back to mashing hamburger."

Matt: "Honey.... why did you only defrost one pound of hamburger?"

"Cause that's what we always do and I didn't comprehend that there was going to 

be twice as many people here! AH - I blame pregnancy brain. I'll throw this other pound in the microwave to defrost real quick and we'll be fine."

Matt: "Is something burning?"

"The buns!! Crap!! Oh don't worry Elders, we do this all the time, we'll just scrap off the black stuff and it won't even taste burnt. We promise."

Matt: "Rachael do you have a timer on the fries?"

"Yes! I mean no! I thought I did! Oh thank heaven they are fine, I'll just keep checking on them."

Elders: "Can we help with anything?"

"Oh heavens no, we're totally fine. Dinner will be ready soon. Did you have any appointments

you needed to get to after this?"

Elders: "Yes, two."

"Right"

Matt: "So I found out why you shouldn't cook bacon right over charcoal - it's smoking like crazy."

"Well maybe the neighbors will just think we are really cool and have a super

awesome smoker that we cook our meat on. Elders where are you from? Oh Utah, both of you. That's nice. Oh you're die hard Utes fans? Hate BYU? Ok... I'm glad Matt is outside and didn't hear

that."

Elder 2: "Yeah I actually go home in two and a half weeks. Today is my Birthday."

This is where I start to swear under my breath and notice Matt is likely going to pop a lid.

Matt: "Where's that second pound of beef?"

"OH in the microwave! It should be done! Oh... it's very done. I think I cooked it. NO WORRIES. Run the hot water over this THIRD pound, hopefully it'll defrost quickly...

 everyone sit and we'll start to eat the first course."

I didn't even eat a burger. We ended up sitting down at the table around 6:35 and realized that we hadn't melted the cheese onto the patties, Matt dropped half the bacon on the ground (5 second rule right?) and the pineapple wasn't grilled. So I told Matt to sit and that I was going outside to finish cooking since I could tell he was quite frustrated and did not find any of this comical at all.

Turns out the Elder going home and that was celebrating his birthday had actually been hoping to eat burgers for his birthday... I hope they weren't absolutely horrible. 

Matt never said whether they were bad or not.

At least we gave him a memorable birthday right?

The fries were delicious if I do say so myself.

7:05 we had then eating ice cream out of Disneyland mugs since all of our bowls were dirty and

out the door by 7:15. We weren't able to get a spiritual thought because just as we were finishing our bishopric showed up to meet us.

sigh

Hopefully Matt will be able to laugh about this in a few days... maybe months?