33 weeks (this is taking forever...)

How far along? 33 weeks and I am beginning to think I will be pregnant forever.

How big are the twins? Well most apps are beginning to agree with one another and claiming that I hold two pineapples in my poor stretched belly. Pineapples are big and heavy if you ask me!  

Total weight gain? 25 pounds. Holy mama, 4 lbs in the last three weeks has been quite a transition. Let's address clothing shall we?

Maternity clothes? I feel ridiculous most of the time! Maternity clothes look like pre-pregnancy clothes on me if you really want to know. They totally tent on the bottom instead cutting in all cute. My belly is usually poking out of the bottom of shirts even and I need to get some good yoga pants to just wear everyday for the next 5 weeks. Even Matt's shirts are starting to barely fit me. 

Wedding ring on or off? Off and I worry that it'll never fit again! (I guess I feel quite dramatic today).

Sleep? Well lets just talk about this, shall we? My lovely husband decided to leave me for the past two weeks!! Both of them were for very legitimate reasons mind you but the babies wanted to make his exit as dramatic as possible I guess. So the night before the first week he would be gone I ended up going to the hospital because of severe heartburn. Pathetic right? Well what happened exactly is that I have been on Zantac for most of this last trimester and it's been great. But taking a pill twice a day has been an adjustment so on Sunday night I took my pill almost 5 hours later than I was supposed to. That night I had indulged in almost everything in the no-no heartburn list, including chocolate, and I was feeling quite remorseful. I couldn't lay down without putting myself in a lot of pain so I was propped up trying to wait for the drugs to kick in when I had to run to the toilet and vomit. Throwing up from heartburn is not completely new to me so I cleaned myself up and went back to lay down. I remember thinking in the dark that my vomit looked kind of weird but chose not to stress just yet. Then an hour later when I finally tried to lay down, I again had to bolt to the bathroom again. That's when I noticed that it looked like I was throwing up coffee grounds. I was so confused. I hadn't eaten anything of that consistency - and decided to Google it. I guess coffee grounds is the exact description of when you are throwing up blood. At this point I was still in a lot of pain, 31 weeks pregnant and thought it would be really stupid to just ignore it so I called my clinic. The nurse transferred me to the on-call doctor and it just so happened to be my own lovely doctor, Dr. Bair. He said he wanted me to check into labor and delivery to have the babies monitored but was sure, like I was, that I had just damaged my esophagus pretty bad. So my poor husband who had to leave for the airport at 5:30am went with me to the hospital at 1:30am. The babies were completely fine and I ended up being prescribed Prilosec for the rest of my pregnancy (strong stuff!) but never got to sleep. So then I played nomad for the next two weeks and slept either at my parents or my in-laws so that I wasn't alone. Didn't sleep super great but now that Matt is back home and I am sleeping in my own bed it is SO MUCH BETTER. 

Genders? Luke and Leia :D Here are shirts that I made with my mom for Matt and I to wear to the Star Wars premiere this weekend!

Best moment this week? So I'm going to change this to important moment this week because of what happened at my 32 week appointment. I got to talk to my doctor a lot about how long these babies are really going to be in me, what to expect if we have a c-section, and the few contractions I have been having. So I can't remember if I talked about Leia switching from breech position to transverse at my last ultrasound, but she did. What that means is that after Luke is born there is a lot higher risk that she would not be in a good position to come out vaginally and we would have to do an emergency c-section. So then I would recover from both a vaginal delivery and a c-section and I don't know about you, but that is not on my wish-list this Christmas. If Leia is still transverse at my 34 (next week!) ultrasound, we will go ahead and schedule a c-section for January 25th-ish. They of course will do another ultrasound the morning of the c-section again and if she has moved back breech, we will be induced for a vaginal delivery. I feel really good about this option and I honestly just want to do whatever is safest to get these precious babies here!

Symptoms? I had a couple days during the 30/31st weeks that I could tell I was pushing it a little bit. I am measuring 43 weeks pregnant so bending down is pretty annoying but I was still doing it and maybe walking a little too much. I was starting to get contractions that would stay for a little longer than both my doctor and I were comfortable with so I am officially on "modified bed rest." AKA be lazy and try to sit down as much as possible. It was so nice to be with my family these last two weeks and I got totally pampered at both my parents and my in-laws.

Food cravings? Pizza. Qdoba burritos. Taco Bell. Pretty much all fast food. OH my goodness and soda. All I want is soda. :(

Food aversions or anything making you sick? It's hard to actually eat more than one main meal a day. I just want to drink my calories in the form of soda and then have one big meal. But that is NOT HEALTHY at all and so I'm trying really hard to be good. 

Labor signs? Contractions and silly Luke is sitting SO LOW. My doctor didn't want to do a cervix check because if I am dilated at all, it could potentially put me into labor. So we will for sure be trying to catch a look at my cervix at my ultrasound next week but I have a feeling that with all this bed rest and not moving it has helped. Before taking it easy it almost felt like I had a tampon "up there" that was about to fall out all the time and there was so much pressure. Luckily that is gone now!

Belly button in or out? Flat. Flat as a freaking pancake. Nothing is making a mark in shirts necessarily but I think these next few weeks will definitely push it out. Darn it all.

Stretch marks? OH yes. And I still get itchy!  

Movement? These little turkeys are treating mom's uterus like a jungle gym. I was told there was going to be a point where the movement decreased because they ran out of room but I don't think I believe them. The best part of the movement though is that there is always something for someone to feel. All of my siblings and parents have felt the twins doing crazy stunts so that has been way fun actually.

What I miss? Being able to sit comfortably for any period of time. Church is the worst because I feel so improper. My belly is so low I can't sit with my legs closed and I'm sure that's exactly what everyone wants to be looking at is a huge pregnant lady with her legs open.  

What I'm looking forward to? Making it to my last baby shower! Haha it is scheduled for the 2nd of January so I will be 35 almost 36 weeks pregnant. That just seems so far away to me so once I get there and survive it, I will feel like I am officially ready.

Happy or moody most of the time? I'm a grouch. I'll admit it. Matt and I will have one miscommunication and then I am just so moody and can't shake it for a while. 

30 weeks

How far along? We are 30! At the most we have 9 more weeks to go! I will probably either be induced or have a c-section during my 38th week so I'm rounding up. 

How big are the twins? They are such good babies. They are a very healthy 3 lbs 5 oz EACH. I have close to 7 lbs of baby in there right now. What. Well when I'm measuring 42 weeks I better have a lot of baby in there to justify that.  

Total weight gain? We have hit 21 lbs gained. I know that a lot of women don't like to answer this question, but honestly I am EXTREMELY proud of that number. I was told at the beginning of my pregnancy to expect to gain about 50 lbs. I have tried to stay as active as possible while still being safe and I know that these last few weeks will warrant quite a bit more weight gain with each baby gaining 1/2 lb a week. 

Maternity clothes? Oh brother. We have moved from maternity clothes, to husbands clothes, and are now onto no clothes. I have about three outfit changes during the day depending on what I am actually doing. When I get up I readjust my garments (underwear) as best I can and then put a robe on. I might be in the robe until my dog Charlie needs to get walked in which case I go put on my sweats and a sweatshirt, though I will be wearing my husbands sweatshirts soon. Then if I have anywhere special to go I'll dip into my rotation of pregnancy tops with either my maternity jeans or maternity leggings. Shoes consist of Sperry's or Uggs. Church clothes are getting harder to get creative with. 

Wedding ring on or off? Off for good. My wedding band got tight when I had swelling after thanksgiving dinner (soooo yummy) and I decided I didn't want to risk it getting stuck anymore. I have a fake ring that I was wearing for a while, but it was turning green, so nah. I feel naked on that finger now. 

Sleep? I have good nights and bad nights. Luckily more good than bad though! On bad nights it usually means I didn't take my Unisom/B6 combo (aka anti-nausea concoction) which the Unisom part is a sleep aid. I end up waking up to my babies' dance parties at 5am and can never get back to sleep. Naps during the day don't happen anymore either because of the constant movement. And a goodnight of sleep includes only getting up for the bathroom a maximum of 3 times. 

Genders? Baby A is our boy and Baby B is our girl! We had another ultrasound yesterday and had close to a 3D quality glimpse of baby girl's face! It was awesome. Of course the picture just turned out creepy because of the eyes but my MIL Debbie was there with me and we got to watch both babies drinking lots of amniotic fluid and move around like crazy. Baby boy has the cutest profile and baby girl already has very squishy cheeks. It's getting more and more real!

Best moment this week? OK so this is supposed to be a week by week thing that I haven't updated in 6 weeks. So definitely the highlights that I have had since I last posted have been my first two showers! I am getting very spoiled and had a shower with most of the women from the ward I grew up in where we played ridiculous games to guess what the twins would look like and learned about crazy rituals that happen around the world during childbirth. Hooray for western medicine. And then over thanksgiving we had a huge STAR WARS THEMED PARTY for the twins where all the cousins on my mom's side got to participate and I had family travel just to see and celebrate my growing family. It honestly was so amazing to feel so loved. Matt and I are so blessed with the best people around us that make this next step seem feasible. 

Symptoms? Well Zantac is my best friend and I only get heartburn when I forget to take it. I had to quit my job a couple weeks earlier than we had planned though. I was not able to stand during my whole 8 hour shift because my heart would randomly start to race and I was struggling to get it back down. My doctor warned that I could end up at the cardiologist talking about PAT and a diet change if I didn't find a way to sit at work. Unfortunately Jamba Juice is not a sit down job so I have been home nesting and resting. I just feel out of breath quite often. Sitting at church is super uncomfortable and there is no more room in my body for my stomach or my bladder! Getting my calories is a chore. 

Food cravings? Bread. I ate a lot of rolls over thanksgiving. And hot dogs are a new craving. Luckily since Matt and I meal plan I am able to have healthy leftovers for lunch instead a hot dog, but I think that I'll let myself indulge in one today. 

Food aversions or anything making you sick? No, I just can't eat as much as I used to. And if my dog Charlie is ever chewing on a bone and starts to gag it definitely makes me nauseous. 

Labor signs? Well kind of? I don't really know if this qualifies but I had my first contractions yesterday. We were driving to Target down a super bumpy road and it became uncomfortable really quickly. I then had the dumb idea to continue to walk around Target which I think just made it worse but as soon as I went out and sat in the car they went away. 

Belly button in or out? Would you believe me if I said it's still in? Haha, success! 

Stretch marks? Oh heck yes. It started out as kind of a bulls-eye shape around my belly button and has turned into this hurricane swirl ever expanding from that point. Luckily it hasn't covered my whole belly but I have a feeling that it will just continue to get worse. Oh well. 

Movement? Ha. I would pay my twins to stop moving for a moment if I could. I swear they take turns. The weirdest part is when one of them sticks some part of the body so that it stretches my belly, and then they draggggg it across so I can literally watch them move. Unfortunately with all this moving baby B is no longer breech and is now transverse. My babies are making a giant T in my belly and my doctor says if she doesn't move before delivery that I am more likely to need a c-section. Cross your fingers and pray that she is cooperative!!

What I miss? Sushi. 

What I'm looking forward to? Continuing to set up the nursery and get all our gadgets and clothes all put away so that it's functional when they decide to arrive!

Happy or moody most of the time? Oh the pregnancy hormones are starting to rear their angry head. I was so good until this third trimester and with the flip of a switch I have gotten so moody about the most pointless things. The worst part is that in the moment I KNOW I AM BEING CRAZY. Like I have said, my husband is a trooper. He might not be completely understanding but he is really good as just laughing at me when I am like this and making sure we find a solution. 

Speaking of crazy and husbands... guess who's husband is ditching her for TWO WEEKS?! Haha I can't get too mad. Work is sending him to Orlando for training next week and then the week after that he will be working on site for a client about 2 1/2 hours away in Washington. Matt is such a hard worker and we never anticipated twins who would throw off our whole plan for expecting in February and instead make the holidays crazier than they already are. They always say to be on stand-by from 30 weeks forward but luckily these babies seem like they will be staying put for a while longer so I am not too worried about his trips. I will be heading to my parents home to crash for the majority of the time anyways so my mom and I plan to prep lots of freezer meals!

24 weeks

How far along? We are 24 weeks this week, woot woot 

How big are the twins? Getting bigger and bigger every day. Luke (Baby A) is measuring at 1 lb 9 oz and Leia (Baby B) is measuring 1 lb 10 oz! At this rate they could be 7/7.5 lbs babies by the time we deliver! Fingers crossed.  

Total weight gain? Probably 13 lbs - my weight fluxates a lot and I don't ever agree with the Doctor's scale when I'm wearing shoes and so much clothing... 😉  

Maternity clothes? Ohhhh baby. Yes please. I love wearing skirts and loose shirts all the live-long day. Really need to go buy maternity garments... Heh, it's on my to-do list. Right now I am measuring as if I was 35 weeks pregnant with a singleton so that's just awesome. If you see me in person tell me I look small and healthy please!

Wedding ring on or off? Wedding band is still on and I am probably dumbly optimistic about being able to wear it through the rest of my pregnancy. It's finally getting cold outside so any swelling in my fingers has started to reduce! 

Sleep? I am quite proud of myself for sleeping so well for as long as I did. This last week was not so fun, I had a few really restless nights but I seem to have gotten back to only waking up once again the past few days. I definitely see a trip to go get a snoogle (pregnancy body pillow) in my near future though just cause I have tried sleeping with a pillow between my knees a few nights and it was very pleasant  

Genders? Still a boy and girl! I had them double check at the ultrasound today just because it still seems a little surreal. It was really hard for the ultrasound technician to keep up with them today and I felt quite validated that they were so squirmy for her. Luke is ALWAYS kicking up into my ribs and I was so surprised at how much Leia was moving. She has an anterior placenta - meaning it almost acts as a barrier between me and her, so I don't feel her quite as much. She was full on punching Luke and we even got an awesome picture of Leia practically sitting on his face. 😂

Best moment this week? So the past few weeks have involved quite a bit of excitement with our dog Charlie. He is a 7 month old puppy and unfortunately found some rat poison and had to be hospitalized. Luckily he is perfectly fine but then he got neutered not even a week after that. I felt so bad for him and made sure to give him plenty of snuggles between two very dramatic vet appointments. Matt doesn't think there has been any change in Charlie's behavior since he was neutered but I think he has calmed down a little bit and I hope that by the time the twins arrive he is much more obedient...

Symptoms? My biggest complaint at the moment is heartburn. Oh my goodness I eat Tums like candy. My doctor recommended taking Zantac in the morning and at night so I think I'll be going to pick that up today. I haven't quite figured out what sets it off necessarily - pepperoni pizza is not my friend - but I have to make sure I don't lie down too early after eating or its guaranteed to be horrendous. 

Food cravings? I think I love to drink calories. Working at Jamba Juice is definitely the best possible thing for that. I make orange juice from concentrate a lot, drink smoothies, love juice, and love soda. Soda is a special treat for me since it's really not healthy but when we go out to eat... Yum. 

Food aversions or anything making you sick? Nope! I love food!

Labor signs? No, thank goodness. 

Belly button in or out? Belly button is still in - but I am shocked at how close it has gotten to being flat. I kid you not I am so sure it'll never pop out... But my family is convinced otherwise. 

Stretch marks? Not really? I don't know really, I can hardly see the underside of my belly even in the mirror. My hips are what I think will get stretch marks first, I put vitamin E oil and cocoa butter on them every night and that is really helping with how itchy they have gotten. 

Movement? These children will break my insides I swear. I think I am permanently bruised on my right side from Luke's legs and now that they are getting bigger and into each other space I think it's going to get worse. I feel them a lot after drinking something sugary and I think they just love when I eat in general. 

What I miss? I miss not having to hold my breath when I tie my shoes, or putting pants on, or bending over in general. I want to paint my toes nails and do stuff around our house to get ready for these babies but there's only so much I can do when Matt isn't here! So frustrating...

What I'm looking forward to? Painting! That's our next big project before they get here and so we will need to find colors and pick how we want the twin's room to look and whatnot. I'm not a big fan of any bedding I have found so far so feel free to send me anything cute you find!

Happy or moody most of the time?

Happy most of the time. Especially if I get lots of sleep. At night when Matt gets home is unfortunately when I start to get tired and grouchy so I feel bad, but luckily we have had a few good weekends where he has seen the happier side of pregnant Rachael 😉 

21 weeks

How far along? We are 21 weeks everyone!! Over halfway there since these babies will hopefully make their appearance around 38 weeks. 

How big are the twins? They are the size of pomegranates, 10.5 in. and at our 20 week ultrasound found out baby A is 13 oz. and baby B is 12 oz. That means there is officially over a pound of baby inside me... And yes it does show. Haha

Total weight gain/loss? We have gained weight! My goal was to put on 10 lbs before my 20 week ultrasound and I think we are just shy of that.  

Maternity clothes? Yes, yes and yes. I feel like I look full term already, but in reality I am not that big. I just took advantage of a couple great sales online and am patiently waiting for shirts that aren't my husband's to wear. And plenty of dresses and skirts. 

Wedding ring on or off? Off. I have both an engagement ring and wedding band and so my engagement ring has gotten a little snug and I have taken it off, especially because at work I get my hands wet a lot and my fingers swell because of it. But luckily I think my wedding band is a little bit bigger and I will be able to wear it longer. 

Sleep? *knock on wood* Sleep has actually been awesome lately! Occasionally I'll wake up to use the restroom but I would say I have more nights of sleep all the way through than nights that are restless. My dreams are getting weird again, which is how they were in the first few weeks of this pregnancy. But otherwise I am readily enjoying how well rested I feel in the morning. 

Genders? We have a little boy and a little girl! Baby A is our boy, he is in the bottom right hand corner of my uterus and is already head down, so hopefully he will still be that way when it gets too cramped in there to move - which my doctor believes could be around 30 weeks. And then our little girl is in the top left side of my uterus but in the breech position. It would be optimal to have both babies head down for delivery but as long as baby A is head down we can attempt a vaginal delivery and just deliver baby B breech. 

Best moment this week? Revealing the genders to friends and family last Tuesday! All of my dreams the night before were about being told what the genders were and I don't think I slept more than 5 hours that night because of the anticipation. Both babies are very healthy and growing on pace. In twins they want to make sure that they are both growing at the same rate and right now our little girl is only 6% smaller than her brother which is awesome! It isn't until there is a 20% difference that they worry so we are definitely in the safe zone. 

Symptoms? I have had an awesome week so far. Besides the obvious movement issues of getting out of bed, in and out of the car, and off the couch I am feeling really good. Supposedly a cold is going around right now so I think I'm gonna run to the grocery store and stock up on vitamin C!

Food cravings? I had a dream about a subway sandwich last night...? Haha my dreams are really weird let me tell you. So I guess the only real consistent craving has been carbs - specifically white bread. I. Love. Bagels. 

Food aversions or anything making you sick? Not as strong as they used to be. Cooking meat was really hard but I actually don't mind it as much anymore. 

Labor signs? Nope!!

Belly button in or out? Still in. Like I said I have a really deep belly button (awkward to say?) so depending on how big I get I don't think it'll every pop out, maybe just get flat?

Stretch marks? No and I am actually pleasantly surprised. I always envisioned that I would get them quite quickly since I even have some from just going through puberty, but I am realistic about them showing eventually. I do a really good job at not itching, because it has started to itch right around my belly button. 

Movement? Holy moly I feel them all the time. It's almost gotten to the point where it's weird to not be feeling one of them poking or prodding me.  OH! I completely forgot to mention that we already have nicknames for them. My side of the family is obsessed with Star Wars, and with my anticipated delivery date so soon after the new movie comes out and the fact that one of the most famous set of boy/girl twins happens to be from this franchise, our babies while in the womb will be referred to as Luke and Leia. I KNOW HOW DUMB THAT SOUNDS. Haha but it's just because we honestly had so many people joking and teasing us about it, that we just decided to get ahead of the joke and embrace it. We actually won't be announcing the names we have chosen until they're born for a few reasons, one of them being that we honestly haven't even decided on any yet. 

What I miss? I'm starting to notice how in the way even the smallest belly can be so I miss knowing how big my body actually is. I also miss sleeping on my stomach (!!) and not having to eat so often. It can be a hassle because I get nauseous if I am not eating often enough. 

What I'm looking forward to? When Matt can finally feel the babies kicking. I think at this point they aren't strong enough to be making movements that he can feel, or if they are strong enough he just isn't quick enough to get his hand on my belly. 

Happy or moody most of the time?

Lately I have been very happy and super motivated to start getting my ducks in a row for the babies to come. Maybe I am already getting to the nesting stage? Everything does seem to happen a little bit faster with two babies!

17 weeks

Well God really does have a sense of humor. Guess who just got called as the missionary meal coordinator?! Haha I almost laughed out loud in the Bishop's office - but this just means I get to practice making meals for them more often right?

So we are 17 weeks today, and we have our first appointment with the new doctor in the morning! I plan on doing another update after that because I have a feeling that I'll get a lot more information than I did last week with my old doctor...

Last Tuesday I had my last appointment with my old doctor (she was unaware of this) and it lasted for about 15 minutes. Because it is hard to tell which baby's heartbeat you are listening to with the Doppler you get an ultrasound every visit to check on the twins. Well my ultrasound lasted about 7 seconds. I'm not even joking. AND I'm pretty sure she only even looked at Baby A. It was quite obvious during our first ultrasound at 11 weeks when the tech moved from Baby A to Baby B so when my doctor "moved" and claimed we were now checking on Baby B's heart rate I knew she was completely wrong. My doctor was literally rushing through every step of my appointment and I left realizing I hadn't been measured or had any of my questions addressed. I was really frustrated but I get a do over! My wonderful mother-in-law got me a coveted appointment with her amazing OB and I am so excited. Hopefully we get to look at the twins again. 

How big are the twins? About the size of a white onion, and 5.1 inches and 5 oz. 

Total weight gain/loss? It's offical! I have gained a pound!

Maternity clothes? Amazon is shipping me a belly band as we speak! I am very excited to try it and see if it is worth purchasing more colors. My pants fit everywhere but my belly at the moment so if the belly band works it will allow me to wear my pants unbuttoned (even unzipped?!) and offer support to my belly!

Wedding ring on or off? Still miraculously on. But I guess I haven't really gotten to the swelling stage yet. 

Sleep? I have good nights and bad nights. Luckily on the bad nights I usually get to come home from work and get a good long nap in - naps are the best! But I am definitely starting to favor sleeping on my left side - which is supposedly the side you're supposed to sleep on anyway? 

Symptoms? Heartburn has reared its ugly head. But I will survive because heartburn is actually correlated with hair on babies so I won't complain 😉. 

Food cravings? I had a real hankering for ice cream tonight that Matt and I satisfied with a few Oreos and milk. But other than that, my only aversion is still meat - it just has to be cut super duper thin and have zero fat. 

Genders? 3 more weeks! It came quite quickly!

No updates on my belly button popping or stretch marks. 

What I miss? I miss being able to move however I wanted. I feel like I already waddle a little bit at times and then my belly is really getting in the way at work. I practically have to get on my hands and knees in order to get low! Ha

What I'm looking forward to? Starting to get the nursery set up. We have a crib that I could put together but since it's a really nice crib that we got for free in struggling a little bit with how we are going to buy another one that doesn't look obviously cheaper?! Any recommendations? 

Happy or moody most of the time? Definitely happy. Matt and I have actually been flirting quite a bit lately because I don't feel as sick (thank heavens) and it definitely helps that I am in a better mood. 

15 weeks

How far along? We are 15 weeks! That means that the twins can now sense light and their eyes are starting to move from the sides to the center of their heads and are looking less and less alien like. 

How big are the twins? They are the size of an orange/apple and 4 inches and approximately 2.5 oz. 

Total weight gain/loss? It honestly depends on the day... I was doing so well and thought I had finally put a pound on when these last few days I got so sick I lost about 7. So I'll be able to answer this better farther into the second trimester ;) 

Maternity clothes? I had to go buy a new bra (fits way better) but I have a lot of flowy clothes so I'm ok for now. My work pants are definitely going to be the first things that need to be replaced though. 

Wedding ring on or off? On for the time being, but I know it'll eventually have to come off - my fingers swell often without being pregnant. 

Sleep? I am quite nocturnal. I go to bed around 10pm with Matt but lie awake researching the heck out of twins. Then around midnight I fall asleep, wake up at 3 and 6 for the bathroom, and then up for the day at 9. And then if I'm not working that day I get at least 3 hours worth of naps squeezed in somewhere. 

Best moment this week? When I locked myself out of my house and my mom had to come rescue me! Hah it doesn't sound all that amazing but I ended up having a lot of fun with her and got to spend some much needed time at my family's house.

Symptoms? Besides the TMI it would mainly be an increase in appetite, which is so nice for a change. 

Food cravings? No cravings necessarily but I got to eat sushi (nothing raw) on Saturday and was literally doing the happy dance in my chair after every single bite. 

Food aversions or anything making you sick? Meat, especially red meat. Fish and salmon sound good but it's really hard for me to get excited about eating chicken or beef. Blehhh. 

Genders? We find out (I believe) at our 20 week appointment. Most twin pregnancies have another ultrasound at 16 weeks and find out then but I'm not betting on it. I haven't had a single doctor's appointment since we found out about the twins (long story, looking for a new OB) so we will see what happens next week at my checkup. 

Labor signs? No but I do think I have felt Braxton hicks or at least abdominal stretching going on. If I get up too quickly from a crouched position my uterus will almost kind of grab me. 

Belly button in or out? Very much in. I would be shocked if it ever popped out. 

Stretch marks? No but they will be here. Don't you worry.

Movement? Yes! I have felt their flutters quite consistently actually! I am definitely excited for when that turns into movements Matt can feel. 

What I miss? I miss my energy levels and not being tired all the time! I didn't realize how much more rested you are when you sleep through the night and don't need to pee all the time. 

What I'm looking forward to? Not being sick! The weekend was amazing because I only got sick once, and then Monday and Tuesday rolled around and I couldn't keep even water down for the life of me. So keep me in your prayers that the hormones will start to calm down soon and I can eat pizza again. 

Happy or moody most of the time?

I would like the think I am happy most of the time... But maybe Matt would say I am a tad more moody? I did blow something way out of proportion last night now that I think about it... But hey if it only happens once in a while we'll be ok, right? 

Rant...

I promise I'll get to the sappy post about how incredibly amazing it is to be expecting twins soon. But first I need to be honest about exactly how I have been processing the news since we found out. 

Matt and I went into our first ultrasound at 11 weeks and were actually sent across the street from my actual clinic to get it done. I had heard a heartbeat (singular) back at 9 weeks and so wasn't too nervous about there actually being something in there, but I think I was anxious beforehand because some part of me knew that there was going to be twins. 

Hear me out. I'm not psychic. 

If I have a spiritual gift, it is the gift of dreams. I am lucky enough to remember a lot of my dreams and the ones that I have that are relevant to a current situation I am in are actually useful in my life. Granted, when I had a dream that I had FIVE babies in my stomach I did not automatically believe I was carrying quintuplets, but my mind kind of started buzzing at the thought that maybe there was more than one. 

Like I said, I had been able to hear a heartbeat at my 9 week (first) appointment and the midwife had been quite pleased with herself at finding it so early in my pregnancy; it can be hard that early sometimes. But after she had found the fast fluttering and then removed the Doppler from my stomach the first thought I had was, "Wait, what about the other one?"

...

What other one?! Honesty I might have just been high on crazy juice but that really was my first thought - what about the other heartbeat?  Some part of me knew that if she had kept listening she would've heard the other baby's heartbeat. It's a memory that I plan to hold onto and it's kind of comforting to know that maybe I knew before modern medicine did 😉 Ha! 

So at the ultrasound the tech was just asking bedside manner questions, making sure I didn't feel super uncomfortable as I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them dangerously low...heh. She then asked how I had been feeling. I have been sick since day 1 of week 6 and have only had maybe a handful of days free from puking my guts out. My record is 6 times in one day (which I know isn't quite as horrible as some women have it) but here at week 14 I'm quite ready for the supposed second trimester relief. So I told her I had been feeling really sick. She put the absurdly warm jelly on my stomach (definitely was expecting it to be cold) and then moved the wand around a bit. 

I think both Matt and I could plainly tell before the tech said anything but neither of us wanted to say anything until she did. Her next words were, "So you've been super sick, huh?"

Double the hormones. Double the sickness. Double the blessings. 

There are two squirmy aliens on the screen?! What?? How did this happen? I thought it was supposed to be hard to get pregnant; take months and months, maybe years! We got pregnant with two so quickly? Crap... Matt is probably having an aneurism - I should check on him. Oh - he's starring at me. What's that look? Is he stressed? Happy? I think he's happy, but his eyebrows are furrowed. Well of course they're furrowed! We did not plan for this, we plan for one at a time. Isn't that normal to do? Well he's smiling now. And laughing. We're both very nervously laughing. I think the only words coming out of my mouth are  "oh my gosh" every couple seconds. 

We left the ultrasound with a strip of pictures that are the only proof that what happened in that room was real, and trust me I spent the next couple weeks having to convince myself over and over again that it was real. Then I had a meltdown. My body began to slip out of shock and euphoria and into the reality of the situation. I was mentally prepared to devote the next few years of my life to one baby. I was going to bond with him or her breastfeeding, we were going to become best friends and have so many sleepless nights together that all this morning sickness would be a piece of cake! But all of expectations and visions of the future had now changed. I have two babies that will need my undivided attention now divided between the two of them. I had enough mental preparation for messing one kid up, but two at a time? That would be like failing twice as fast and twice as hard! At this point I wasn't even thinking about how much more different my pregnancy and labor was going to be, but my life post delivery. After bringing THEM home. 

I had to have a little mourning period for the expectation I had had about my future and the one on one time I felt like I was losing. I will never just be a mom to one baby, I'm jumping feet first into the mom of multiples club. But I can't stress enough that this reaction was OK to have! I still struggle with people who tell me I am so lucky and how jealous they are that we are having twins. Sometimes I want to shake them and say "Do you understand the reality of what is going to happen? This is not going to be some fantasy or Mary-Kate and Ashley movie." This is going to be the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I am exceptionally blessed that both my parents and in-laws live so close... That is going to be an amazing help. But this post is for everyone out there who thinks I am the luckiest girl in the world so that they can understand a little bit when I don't scream and jump up and down in excitement with you when you extend your congratulations. 

I love my babies. I do not regret any part of being pregnant with twins and would NEVER trade this for a singleton pregnancy. I am allowed to mourn the vision I had of what I thought would be a blissful raising of one child at a time and I am completely normal for doing so. Having twins is everyone's fantasy, but the responsibility that comes with the reality can be quite daunting. 

What a way to start my blog huh? "Geez she seems like she can barely hold dinner for the missionaries and now she's having two babies?!"

Yeah I'm gonna need a lot of prayers. XO

Missionaries for Dinner

Well last night was ALMOST a disaster. 

Or a little bit of a disaster.

Matt and I signed up to feed the missionaries on Sunday and thought that it was going to be a good way to show ourselves that we were ready to contribute to our new ward. This is probably a hard lesson I am going to have to learn this pregnancy: I never can predict exactly what I am able to commit to or tell the future. So the missionaries were coming over Wednesday night, but on Tuesday I got asked to work a closing shift at work as opposed to my normal mid day shift. So Tuesday night I didn't get home until 11:30pm. Matt and I have been in bed around 9pm every night for the last three weeks.
 I was exhausted! 

So of course my body decides that since our schedule is thrown off we are going to stay up until 2am all queasy and then throw up. 

Thank you hormones.

Wednesday morning comes and I wake up with the sun (!) and lay in bed for the next four hours

crossing my fingers that I will fall back asleep as some point.

Nope.

I then spend the rest of the day walking between my fridge and the couch trying to decide what is going to give the most amount of calories with the least resistance from the twins. Ice cream? Made me nauseous. Potato chips and oranges it is again then. I then continue to try and sleep while making sure my puppy isn't peeing or pooping in the house (but giving him enough time outside of his crate),

 doing research about possibly changing OBs and (like I feel like I always am) doing research about this bizarre decision my body made without my consultation to grow two human beings instead of one.

By this time I have completely forgotten to drink water all day so I have a killer headache and then remember - I still needed to buy some groceries for dinner. Well crap, it's 5pm - I should get to the store before they are here in an hour...

Of course the gas light turns on on my way to the store (I'm glad I just remembered that) - so luckily I know that I can make it to Winco and back just fine. I think my headache has progressed to a migraine so I grab a bottle of Coke because I know for sure that caffeine is the only quick fix at the moment that is going to get me through dinner. 

I get home at 5:45. Perfect.

Matt is giving me updates about his commute home that I don't have time to respond to and I'm just praying that the missionaries are going to be as delayed as he is. 

6:05 I have most of the prep work done but nothing is cooking yet.

Husband walks through the door and immediately analyzes the state of dinner and I can tell that he is not happy. I bet a 100 million questions like "what in the world have you been doing all day?!"

are running through his head but he is wise and keeps his mouth shut for the time being. 

There's a very faint knock at the door. 

Missionaries are here.

"Oh welcome Elders! Dinner is almost ready, please sit. Do you need 

something to drink? Oh don't mind the dog, he's still a puppy. Yes, yes he is quite excited to see you."

Elder 1: "Is that pee on the floor...?"

"Yes, yes it is. OH look, he piddled and walked allllll the way to the back door. Yeah let me just get on my hands a knees and clean up the urine and then I'll get back to mashing hamburger."

Matt: "Honey.... why did you only defrost one pound of hamburger?"

"Cause that's what we always do and I didn't comprehend that there was going to 

be twice as many people here! AH - I blame pregnancy brain. I'll throw this other pound in the microwave to defrost real quick and we'll be fine."

Matt: "Is something burning?"

"The buns!! Crap!! Oh don't worry Elders, we do this all the time, we'll just scrap off the black stuff and it won't even taste burnt. We promise."

Matt: "Rachael do you have a timer on the fries?"

"Yes! I mean no! I thought I did! Oh thank heaven they are fine, I'll just keep checking on them."

Elders: "Can we help with anything?"

"Oh heavens no, we're totally fine. Dinner will be ready soon. Did you have any appointments

you needed to get to after this?"

Elders: "Yes, two."

"Right"

Matt: "So I found out why you shouldn't cook bacon right over charcoal - it's smoking like crazy."

"Well maybe the neighbors will just think we are really cool and have a super

awesome smoker that we cook our meat on. Elders where are you from? Oh Utah, both of you. That's nice. Oh you're die hard Utes fans? Hate BYU? Ok... I'm glad Matt is outside and didn't hear

that."

Elder 2: "Yeah I actually go home in two and a half weeks. Today is my Birthday."

This is where I start to swear under my breath and notice Matt is likely going to pop a lid.

Matt: "Where's that second pound of beef?"

"OH in the microwave! It should be done! Oh... it's very done. I think I cooked it. NO WORRIES. Run the hot water over this THIRD pound, hopefully it'll defrost quickly...

 everyone sit and we'll start to eat the first course."

I didn't even eat a burger. We ended up sitting down at the table around 6:35 and realized that we hadn't melted the cheese onto the patties, Matt dropped half the bacon on the ground (5 second rule right?) and the pineapple wasn't grilled. So I told Matt to sit and that I was going outside to finish cooking since I could tell he was quite frustrated and did not find any of this comical at all.

Turns out the Elder going home and that was celebrating his birthday had actually been hoping to eat burgers for his birthday... I hope they weren't absolutely horrible. 

Matt never said whether they were bad or not.

At least we gave him a memorable birthday right?

The fries were delicious if I do say so myself.

7:05 we had then eating ice cream out of Disneyland mugs since all of our bowls were dirty and

out the door by 7:15. We weren't able to get a spiritual thought because just as we were finishing our bishopric showed up to meet us.

sigh

Hopefully Matt will be able to laugh about this in a few days... maybe months?